Pashupatinath is an important Siva temple just outside the city of Kathmandu.
July 2012, monsoon time, I found myself walking alone through it`s cremation grounds, forests and temples, all enclosed and part of the same complex. There was hardly anyone around. The tourist season had ended and it was raining on and off. The smoke of the funeral pyres mixed in with the greyness of the rain gave me further the feeling that I had reach somehow the edge of the world. I was standing at the end………So I wrote about it.
In the fires by the river, I watch my body turn to ashes while being released into the light.
Someone passes by but I can not look, my eyes are glazed in stillness, already far away from the world.
Up the steps, all the way prayers, but a peaceful mind is only manifested by being just yourself.
Under the shelter of the tea tent, listening to the rain drops,everyone expands and becomes the world, as the drifting aroma of wet earth raises unconcernedly to the sky.
Rain falls, someone leans tightly against a tree looking for protection, but I have no way to keep my heart dry. It does not matter, let it be soaked. Let it dissolve in this rain of memories, until all is gone again and only the silence of the forest remains.
How many images can you capture before thoughts mingle with clouds and are carried off with the breeze ?
I walk on without looking back.
The recognition of beauty is our link to the Divine, our longing is like a whispering voice that seems to be saying………..come, come in.
And so, the old stone snake at the temple`s entrance does invite me in. Here there are no priests, only a solitary monkey sitting in the shadows, but the empty walls reveal dreams, dreamt by those that are now long gone.
Someone passes and rings the temple bell, awakening mysteries of sound with no end. Leave things as they are, I seem to hear. Who knows, who knows not ?
Again sitting, raining, raining as a hand reaches out and brushes against my skin. I am awakened by a sudden flash. Who is it ? Who has returned ?
But no one is in sight, only the rain continues to fall in this garden of spirits. I wait and wait some more with no wish to go home, not yet, at least.
Wait for me at the top of the stairs, listen patiently to the mute cry of my absence. When will this journey end ? Will it ever end ?
The rain finally stops. I move onwards in this dream of living. There is now no way back, I realise, eventually all of us have to step forward, further and further into the unknown…
An infinite pathway stretches out between distant stars. I lose myself in Your open hands, so generous……but at the same time, so empty of promises.
Walking without intentions, somehow I enter Your great silence. Embraced by an incomprehensible love I am unable to move anymore. I lay down and become one with the ground.
I have join at last, the absent ones.